A day or two ago a political pundit named Hillary Rosen made
a comment that Mitt Romney knew nothing about the struggles of working women
because his wife, Ann “never worked a day in her life.” I never heard of
Hillary Rosen before this and the only thing I know about Ann Romney is that
she is married to Mitt Romney, and is hopefully not going to be the next first
lady. Anyway, Rosen’s comment seems to have fired up the Angry Mommy Wars all
over again.
Every pundit, newscaster, and even the president jumped to
the defense of stay at home moms and totally missed the point of what Rosen was
saying. Now everyone is all in a twist
about the value of staying home vs. going back to work and blah blah blah, when
what she was really saying is difference between Mrs. Romney and most mothers
is that money is not a factor in the choices that she makes because she is
really stinkin’ rich. I am not judging anyone’s decision to go back to work, or
saying that staying home with kids isn’t work. It definitely is. But Ann Romney’s
experience as a stay-at-home mom is nothing like that of most women. She said
her career choice was being a mother. For most women, staying home is a
sacrifice or a necessity not a choice.
I love my kids. And I love that I have been able to stay at
home with them over the last several years. Before I was a mother, I was a designer
with a publishing company and loved my job. I really liked the people I worked
with. After my first child was born, I took my 16 weeks of fully paid maternity
leave (!!!) to stare at my baby daughter and watch her eyelashes grow and go
out to lunch with friends from work who would coo at my baby and keep me up to
speed on all the gossip around the office. When I went back, I worked in the
office 3 days a week and my daughter was at daycare across the street. It was
perfect.
Then I had another baby. I went on maternity leave and I
never went back. I wouldn’t have been able to do the 3 days in the office thing
that I had been doing for the past two years, and both my babies would have to
be in daycare five days a week. When I figured out the cost of having an infant
and a toddler in full time care, it would have left me about $50 out of each
paycheck to take home. So, I could go back to a job I loved and I was good at,
never see my kids and get 50 bucks every few weeks, or stop working and stay
home with my kids. I had a good paying job and the daycare was of average cost,
yet it made no financial sense to go to work. Luckily for me, we could afford
to live (frugally) on my husband’s salary. Two years later, I had another baby.
I was alone with my three children every day and most of the
time I didn’t love it. And I was filled
with guilt about not loving it. The days were long. Really, really long. And sometimes it was great, and sometimes I
thought I would truly die of boredom if I didn’t talk to an adult about
something other than eating habits and diapers.
In some ways, I feel like my kids were shortchanged because I would have
been a happier, more engaged mom if I had an adult part of my life to balance
the mommy stuff.
Some people choose to be a stay at home mother and they love
it, and that is wonderful. I stayed home with my kids because I couldn’t afford
not to. But I wish I could have found a way to keep working and be with them
too. Women choose to work or stay home for all kinds of reasons, and should be
respected for whatever choice they make. Saying that Ann Romney doesn’t
understand the daily life of most women would be true whether she chose to work
outside the home or not.
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